I Never Really Had Him
by pansy1980
Summary: Following Endgame- Kathryn realizes that she has to let go. A very sad story- Now Finished- Get your tissues Now! Its going to be a heart-breaker!
1. Chapter 1

I never really had him

Following Endgame- Kathryn realizes that she has to let go.

When I say Seven and Chakotay together I really wasn't surprised. The two most eligible bachelor and bachelorette were finally together. I smiled at both of them as I went to my ready room for the last time.

As I sat at my desk I pondered all of the times that I had sat in the same place. And I wondered for the first time in 7 years, if this distance that I had maintained was really necessary. When we had first started this journey I was sure, now I really wasn't.

I went over to the replicator and smiled. "In a few short hours we won't have to test one another again!" "But in the meanwhile one Vulcan martini."

Just as I was beginning to say goodbye to my ready room, the door chimed. The alcohol had already started on my senses, so I remained seated. I took another sip of my drink when he entered. I let out a little sigh, and he looked up and I thought that he might have heard me, but instead he gave me a few reports from the bridge.

He asked me if their was anything else that I wanted, or needed. I looked into his soft brown eyes; the ones that could make sugar melt and said, "No."

As he was leaving I told him that it had been a pleasure working with him.

He said the same. And just as he reached the door, I said, "I hope that she brings you the happiness you desire Chakotay, you deserve the best."

"How did you know Kathryn?"

I cleared my throat. "A woman can always tell when a man is in love with another woman."

And just as the door was closing he added. "I'm sorry Kathryn you waited to long." And then the door closed. And so did that part of my life. That chapter would _always _remain closed.


	2. Home

I never really had him

Part 2

The debriefings were over. Everyone was getting back pay. The Maqui had been pardoned. Starfleet was offering everyone a job who requested one. And everyone was allowed to go home. Finally. After 7 years Kathryn was finally going to be able to go home.

Kathryn stood in front of her home. Her eyes were wide, tears were streaming down her face, and she could smell chocolate brownies cooking. She inhaled the scent, put her shoulders back and began walking towards the door. She got to the stairs just before her sister Pheobe jetted out the front door toppling her over.

They both laughed and hugged on the ground. Tears streaming from both of their faces. They were interrupted by a "ahem" by Gretchen Janeway. Kathryn leapt to her feet and embraced her mom in a few short seconds. Gretchen's arms covered Kathryn completely.

After a few minutes Gretchen unclasped her arms from Kathryn and took a good look at her daughter. "Kathryn, your skin and bones, but don't worry I made some of your favorite brownies."

"Thanks mom, you have no idea how good it feels to finally be home."

"I can only imagine dear."

Kathryn began stuffing her face with the brownies. Even Pheobe was impressed at how many she could stuff in her mouth at one time. Gretchen laughed as the two siblings fought for control of the brownie plate. When the plate was finally picked clean, Kathryn gave her mother a hug.

What was that for Kathryn?"

"I missed you."

"I missed you too dear, and so did your sister." Pheobe nodded.

Gretchen took some dinner out of the oven as Pheobe took the plate to the sink.

Pheobe eyed her sister for a second. "Kathryn is something wrong?"

"No Phoebe I am just getting used to being home."

"Kathryn, I hope this isn't out of line, but I figured that you would be wearing a wedding ring by now."

Kathryn couldn't help but laugh. "Why on earth would you think that Pheobe?"

"Well, we got your letters from Voyager and we assumed from the way you talked about your first officer that he would be here with you, and you would be addressing him as your husband.

Kathryn pushed away some tears from coming into view.

"Pheobe Chakotay and I are merely co-workers.

"Nothing more and nothing less."


	3. Life Begins

I never really had him

Life Begins

Part 3

The debriefings were finally over for Chakotay. He was happy to have been pardoned. He received generous compensation from Starfleet, and he also received a job offer from Arizonian University. The only downside for him was that Seven had to stay at Starfleet a bit longer. Apparently some of the admirals had some mathematical questions for her concerning the Omega Molecule.

Seven finally came out a few hours later. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and told Chakotay that she was going to have to stay a week longer. Chakotay understood what Omega must have meant to Starfleet. He sighed and took her hand.

"I have been given a job offer in Arizona. I was planning on going to the interview, you wouldn't mind if we lived in Arizona would you?"

Seven smiled. "Anywhere that you wish to live, I will comply. Commander I need to go back inside. The admirals asked that I be gone no longer than 5 minutes."

"I understand. Go show them how the Borg operate, at peak efficiency."

Seven smiled and went back inside the building.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Chakotay arrived at Arizona University the following day. The smell of the Gulf of Mexico filled his lungs. It was already quite warm and he enjoyed the feel of real sunshine on his skin. When he had boarded voyager he had a tan hue on his skin. After 7 years in the delta quadrant the hue had faded.

He walked down the sidewalk and into the administrative offices. Two hours later he had the job. He was so excited he could hardly wait to tell Seven about it. As he was leaving, he noticed some brochures of homes for sale.

He casually picked one up and skimmed through it.

On the very last page was a house for sale, near the gulf, on a secluded section. He didn't know why, but instantly he knew it was the house that he wanted. He decided to go see it. He went to the real estate office to get directions to the house, and was surprised when they said that it had been on the market for quite awhile. He asked for directions to the house when one of the realtors asked if she could show it to him.

When they got to the house, Chakotay could see why it had been on the market for awhile. It needed some fixing up, but it was nothing that he couldn't handle. The view was incredible, from the deck you could look right into the Gulf.

He turned, looked the realtor right in the face and said, "I'll take it."

The realtor was stunned. "Are you sure sir?"

Chakotay gave her a dimpled smile and said, "Positive."

**************************************************************************************************************************

Three days had passed since Kathryn had come home to Indiana. She was settling into her new surroundings and enjoying the fact that soon Thanksgiving and the holidays would be coming.

Her mom had left early to go shopping, and she had decided to stay behind and catch up a bit with her sister. Kathryn loved her sister, even thou she was a pain. She sat next to her, the two of them swapping stories like they were teenagers again.

After a few stories, Pheobe held her hand up. "I want to hear one of the good stories now sister."

"What do you mean Pheobe?"

"Don't get me wrong, I like giant macro viruses as much as the next person, I think, but I want to hear about is that sexy commander of yours, and why you two never got together."

Kathryn couldn't help but smile at her sister. "What makes you think he's sexy Pheobe?"

Pheobe choked on her hot tea, and nearly spit on her sister. "You're joking right, I saw the man on TV just the other day. The man is a dream come true." "So know I want to know the truth Kathryn why didn't you bring him home with you to meet the family?"

Kathryn sighed. "Pheobe he is not that good looking, and besides he belongs to someone else."

Phoebe's eyes got wide. "So it is true then?"

"What's true?"

"That you two had an awful affair and that he decided to dump you"

"Pheobe where in the world did you hear that?"

Pheobe crossed her legs under her and folded her arms. "It was on the news yesterday. Apparently some reporter came up with that story."

Kathryn sipped her coffee and turned to her sister. "Well that reporter was wrong, in fact dead wrong. We never had an affair, I never got dumped by him, and we didn't have some secret relationship either. We were friends Pheobe just friends."

Pheobe got up and went to the kitchen. "Kathryn if you're not going to tell your sister the truth, then who are you going to tell?"

"Pheobe I am telling you the truth."

"Sure Kathryn, I have some papers to grade, so I will chat with you later."

"Pheobe, I am telling you the truth."

She turned to her sister. "Kathryn, is that why you said the word -WERE?"

Pheobe walked up the stairs. As Kathryn sat on the couch, alone. She whispered to herself, thinking about Chakotay. About how she had hoped for them to be together. How she had hoped that he would have waited for her. But she knew that she had seven years to even mention her feelings toward him. And in seven years she had never once even explained how she felt toward him.

Her mind began to wander. And for a moment she even thought about going after him and telling him how she felt. That she was sorry for pushing him away. And then she remembered that he was in love with someone else.

A single tear fell from her eye. She knew that he loved her. Perhaps it was the same love that he had felt for her, years ago.

Her mind traveled back to New Earth, when they were at the table together and he had told her an ancient legend. He had gently caressed her hand, his eyes telling her how much he loved her.

Kathryn shut her eyes, and didn't let any more tears fall. She shook her head. "I made my choice and he made his, and that's all there is to that."

TBC


	4. With Her

I never really had him

Pt3

With Her

A week had come and gone. Chakotay had spent most of his time working on his new house. He hadn't seen Seven in a week, and he still hadn't told her about the house. Considering that Chakotay had consumed his time focusing on making the house presentable for Seven, he was amazed at himself for not yet telling her. Something occurred to him at that point. He was completely in love with her. He could no longer deny it.

Chakotay was just tingling with anticipation to see Seven. Just as he was climbing the steps of Starfleet Academy, he saw her walking down to him. He opened his arms wide, waiting for him to come down to him. Seven saw him and opened her arms wide as she walked down the stairs.

When she was right in front of Chakotay, he grabbed her and kissed her deeply. Seven was completely taken off guard by his touch. She tried to remember the lessons she had taken about courting on Voyager, but when she tried to, she was quickly reminded of how much she cared for him.

The two of them just stood there on the promenade kissing. Several onlookers gave them looks, but neither of them seemed to notice or seemed to care. When Chakotay finally broke the kiss, he smiled.

"Wow Seven that was some kiss."

Seven smiled at him in her Borg way, and resumed kissing the man that she cared so deeply about.

This time it was Seven who broke the kiss. She smiled at him and took his hand. "I have good news commander."

"Seven we are no longer on Voyager, and I am no longer a commander, please just call me Chakotay."

Seven smiled. "Of course Chakotay, should I give you your pet name now as well?"

Chakotay turned and laughed. "Pet name, wherever did you hear that Seven, I haven't heard that in years!"

"I was listening to a conversation that involved two students at lunchtime, and they were picking out pet names for each other. That is where I got the idea from."

Chakotay laughed. "Seven usually people are more intimate with one another before they choose nicknames for one another."

Seven turned to him. "I am ready to comply."

"What?"

"I have heard that humans require a pretext for being intimate with one another. Did the kissing count or do we still require more?"

"Seven I," was all he said before her lips dove onto his. This time Chakotay responded with all of his power. She moaned as he caressed her back with his arms.

Somehow he transported them back to the house. He had planned on showing her the house, but not quite in the way that it happened. He basically said the word house, and then basically growled at her as they plunged through the front door. They landed on the couch entwined in one another.

The next morning Chakotay awoke to a sleeping Seven on his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair, and thought about how deeply he loved this woman.

"I belong with this woman," he said aloud. Then leisurely he drifted back to sleep.

TBC


	5. Circumstances beyond my control

I never really had him-

Part 5

Circumstances beyond my control

Kathryn Janeway had thought about what her sister had said to her for week. For some reason she could not get what her sister had said to her out of her mind. Kathryn knew that Chakotay loved Seven; she had saw it in his eyes the day he left Voyager. Heck he even said that she had waited to long.

Kathryn missed her friend, her confidant. She decided to give him a call and ask him out to lunch. After all there was no reason that the two of them couldn't be friends. So she decided to give him a call.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Chakotay awoke to an empty bed, and an empty house. He called out to Seven but no one answered. He noticed a small PADD next to his bed. It was from Seven apparently she had an early job interview and would be home later in the evening.

Chakotay stretched and managed to get out of bed. After several pieces of pineapple on the balcony. He realized that he heard a beeping on his computer console.

He turned on the console, as it beeped its reply of a message being transmitted. He put in his password and was greeted by a voice from the past. Kathryn.

_Hello Chakotay,_

_It's Kathryn. My view screen is working today, some kind of malfunction that I intend on fixing later. Hopefully I will be more successful in fixing it than I was at fixing my replecator on Voyager all those years._

_I'm sorry I'm babbling. _She takes a deep breath and continues._ I was hoping that you would meet for lunch today at singing clam on fisherman's wharf. _

Another deep breath._ I miss my friend. Please tell me we can still be friends. If you decide to come I will meet you there at one. Please think about it._

End Transmission.

Chakotay took a deep breath himself. "Well I honestly can say that I didn't see that coming. Why not he thought to himself. Seven won't be back for hours and its nearly one now. So he through on a new shirt some slacks and headed toward the transport station.

**************************************************************************************************************************

The singing clam was always a popular destination for lunch. Kathryn was glad that she had decided to make a reservation. She was seated next to the window overlooking the wharf. She sighed and hoped that Chakotay would come. As she looked up she saw a familiar face enter the restaurant. Even though it had only been a few weeks since there arrival back on earth, she had forgotten how handsome he really was.

Chakotay sat next to Kathryn and smiled. They chatted with each other about their new jobs and their future plans. Kathryn was surprised when Chakotay had told her that he had bought a house and that he had been remolding it. She was just to ask about Seven. When Chakotay took her hand.

"Kathryn there is something that I have to tell you. That I haven't even mentioned to anyone yet. But since you are my best friend, I figured that I would tell you first."

Kathryn's heart began to beat a little harder. In the back of her mind she could almost already here him say it. She waited patiently for him to say that he still loved her and that he wanted them to be together. But it didn't happen.

"Kathryn, I want you to be the first to know that I am planning on asking Seven to marry me tomorrow at dinner. And if she accepts I would love for you to come to the wedding, after all you are important to both of us."

Kathryn had to choke back tears. It really was over between them.

TBC


	6. Don't Be

I never really had him

Pt 6

"Don't Be"

When Kathryn returned from the restroom, she politely thanked Chakotay for having lunch with her but she told him that she had some errands to run in the city and that she really should be leaving.

Chakotay thanked her for inviting him. And after a small hug good-bye he was left alone in the restaurant to plan his proposal for Seven.

**************************************************************************************************************************

When Seven returned that evening she was surprised to find a package lying on the bed with a small card that was attached. She opened the box carefully trying to save as much of the paper as she could. After negotiating all of the paper off of the box, she opened the box and found a long red dress inside.

She opened the card and began to read.

_Dear Seven,_

_I saw this hanging in one of the stores in San Francisco today and I thought that it would look beautiful on you. I hope you will join me for dinner tonight, I have made reservations for us in Los Angeles. The address is on the card. _

_See you tonight darling,_

_Chakotay_

Seven jumped off the bed and headed for the shower. She was excited because in a few hours she was going to be having dinner with her man.

A man that was completely in love with her, just as she was completely in love with him.

**************************************************************************************************************************

When Seven arrived at the restaurant, everyone seemed to turn their head to watch her walk to the table. When she arrived at the table Chakotay was already there waiting for her. He got up and helped her with her chair, and whispered in her ear.

"Darling you look completely magnificent in that dress."

Seven smiled, and whispered back, "And you look completely handsome as always."

When Chakotay settled back in his seat, his legs began to shake. He didn't expect to be this nervous, but somehow he was this nervous. They ordered their dinner and ate it relatively in silence. Chakotay let out a little sigh. And then the dessert came.

A large piece of vanilla cake came towards the table. She looked at the cake confused.

"Chakotay, there seems to be a metal object embedded in this article of food. Shall we summon the chief?

"No Seven, this is a special object."

"I see, what is its function, do you eat it with or without the cake?"

Chakotay sighed nervously. "No Seven, it's an engagement ring, you wear it if you want to marry the person who has given it to you."

Chakotay knelt next to Seven. "Seven would you marry me?"

Seven looked at the man kneeling in front of him. "Yes, I will marry you Chakotay. Chakotay had just enough time to smile as a slew of reporters came running into the restaurant taking their pictures.

**************************************************************************************************************************

In Indiana Pheobe and Kathryn sat watching television. Pheobe looked at Kathryn and couldn't take it any longer.

"Kathryn are you going to tell me what happened on your date today or not?"

"Not."

"You're not even going to tell your sister how your date with Chakotay went?"

"Pheobe it wasn't a date it was just lunch, and it didn't mean anything."

Pheobe shrugged. "Did you at least tell him how you still felt about him?"

"No."

"Why the hell not Kathryn, you obviously love the man?" She was just about to tell her sister the reason when she was interrupted by the announcer breaking a news story.

_Ladies and Gentlemen-_

_We have breaking news from Los Angeles California. It seems that the most eligible bachelor and batcholorette are now off the market. _

_Just a few hours ago, Chakotay and Seven both of Voyager became engaged in the restaurant behind me. When this reporter asked how they felt they both replied that they were happy to begin their lives together._

_This has been a breaking news story, Stay tuned at 11 for more on this breaking news story._

Kathryn turned to her sister. "That's why Pheobe. He told me over lunch that he was planning on asking her to marry him. That's why I didn't tell him how I felt.

"I'm sorry Kathryn."

"Don't be Pheobe; they both deserve to be happy."

TBC


	7. RSVP

I never really had him

Pt7

RSVP

The wedding date had been set. In two weeks, they both would be married and start their lives together. The RSVP's had been sent out and the turnout was going to be large. Apparently, everyone was happy to see both of them get married.

1week later. The wedding date had been set. In one week, they both would be married and start their lives together. The RSVP's had been sent out and the turnout was going to be large. Everyone had turned in their RSVP, except for one person. Kathryn Janeway.

**************************************************************************************************************************

In Indiana Kathryn sat on the sofa reading one of her father's old journals. She was intrigued at how her mother and father had managed to keep so many mementos of each other throughout the years. Her thoughts were interrupted by her sister, who had to interrupt the moment by speaking.

"Kathryn, I know you know what day it is."

Kathryn put the journal down for a second on her lap. "It's Friday Pheobe, I learned the days of the week a long time ago. In fact I learned them before you learned them."

Pheobe groaned. "Yes, Kathryn I know its Friday. But this happens to be a _special Friday, _or have you forgotten that today is their wedding day?"

"Oh that, I'm not going."

"And why not?"

Kathryn sighed. "Because I didn't RSVP and now it's too late to."

"Kathryn either you think I am the dumbest brunette on earth, or you must really care for him."

Kathryn kept studying the journal. "I will take option 1."

Pheobe through a pillow from the couch at her head. "Kathryn you and I both know that you want to go. Mom cannot go because she is visiting friends in Chicago. So I will go with you. But Kathryn you owe it to him to be supportive, especially if you really want to be friends with him."

"FINE PHEOBE, I will go if you promise not to say another word."

**************************************************************************************************************************

The hotel where the wedding was to be held was incredible. The floors were made of wood that were covered by large eastern rugs. There were dozens of flowers scattered everywhere throughout the hotel. One of the rooms had been reserved for the wedding. However, with the overwhelming flowers strewn around the hotel everyone assumed that the wedding party had rented the entire hotel for the weekend.

Inside of one of the rooms on the top floor. Chakotay fixed his tie for the sixth time. He paced back and forth across the room, in his tuxedo. Everyone once in a while he sighed. Chakotay was happy. He was marrying wonderful considerate women. He stood in front of the mirror. His hair was beginning to grey. He was still handsome, but the lines around his face tested his features.

He turned away from the mirror and sat on the couch. "Why would she not RSVP?" I mean even if she did not want to come, the least she could have done was say, I cannot make it sorry. Sometimes Kathryn can be the most insensitive women alive. I can't believe that I am marrying such a numb person like Kathryn."

Chakotay swallowed hard. "What the hell did I just say, did I just say Kathryn?" Why in the hell would I say Kathryn, I am marrying Seven."

He repeated the name Seven 50 times before he finally left his room.

**************************************************************************************************************************

In another room, across the hotel, Seven sat watching her wedding dress. She had not put it on yet. In fact, she never realized that wedding dresses were always so white. Seven had concluded that white was officially the worst color in the world. She hated white. There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?"

"The doctor."

"Come in doctor."

As the doctor entered the room, he was shocked. "Seven why aren't you dressed the wedding is going to be starting in a half hour?"

"I hate white."

The doctor smiled. "Well I can say that I don't really care for white either. I think I prefer blue or green. But obviously, you cannot be married in those colors.

Seven sighed. "I am confused doctor."

The doctor sat next to Seven. "What are you confused about Seven?"

Seven smiled at him. And for an instant, the doctor remembered how he had learned to respect and grow to love Seven. In many ways, she was just as he was, driven by perfection, enduring until the very end. But when his eyes looked back at her, somehow the feeling radiated within him.

"Seven is it ok, if I kiss the bride on her big day?"

"Acceptable."

The doctor turned and gave her a kiss on her cheek. But she turned suddenly and instead of kissing her cheek, the doctor hit her lips. He was going to turn away but the attraction overpowered him. She deepened the kiss, and was taken away by his touch. When Chakotay kissed her, it was wonderful. However, as the doctor kissed her she realized how divine kissing could really be.

As the kiss intensified neither of them pulled apart. Seven finally pulled apart from the kiss and looked at the doctor. "I am no longer confused doctor; I have the answer to my question."

"What was your question Seven?"

"It was how do you tell someone that you are in love with them? But I know now that I am in love with you doctor and I always have been."

"Seven I,'" She kissed him again and this time the doctor had no courage under her fiery touch. He knew that it was over; he knew that he had always loved her.

Chakotay was just pulling the door open to talk with Seven, when he saw them both. He didn't disturb them. He quietly closed the door. He made his way toward the hotel door and left.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Kathryn and Pheobe Janeway had just made it to the hotel just as the wedding was about to start. Kathryn didn't know how she was going to react to seeing Chakotay marrying Seven. However, she figured that she would put on a smile for her friend who had found happiness. Even if that happiness was with someone else.

A half hour went by.

An hour went by.

Everyone looked around. Trying to figure out what was going on. The doctor came in through one of the side doors and took the microphone.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen,_

_I hate to announce this but the wedding is off. I am sorry for the time delay. Seven sends her deepest apologies to all of you here today."_

Kathryn looked everyone for Chakotay but could not find him anywhere. It was then that she heard that he had decided not to go through with the wedding. And that he had left Seven standing at the alter alone.

TBC

_*sorry for the delay had lots of homework and classes this week!_


	8. In the Cherry Orchard

I never really had him

Pt8

In the cherry orchard

When Chakotay had seen Seven and the doctor together, he had to admit that his pride had been hurt. He was despondent, angry, annoyed, and fed up. He decided that he needed to get away. Get away from Starfleet, get away from Earth, and get away from everything.

He sold the house that he had purchased. The transaction had been very quick. Apparently a young couple with twins on the way had been very interested in the property.

His last day in the house, he sat on large porch, drinking a beer. His thoughts wandered to the new couple and to the new lives the wife was carrying inside of her. He vaguely remembered women in his village when they were pregnant, and how odd he thought it was. He remembered telling his father that he never would want women, or a child. He laughed at the memory he held in his youth. He was old now, too old to have a child, and to old to get involved with another women.

Despite all of the time he had spent recuperating, he was tired, dead tired.

************************************************************************A-YEAR-LATER***********************************

Kathryn and Pheobe had decided that they should pick some of the leftover cherries in the orchard. The automatic picker had come through yesterday, but some of the sweet treats still clung to the branches.

Not wanting to carry the ladders around all day, the two of them decided to climb the trees instead. Kathryn giggled as she swung among the branches reliving a part of her youth.

Her sister was lost somewhere in the orchard picking up fruit. She sighed as she sat back entranced in her thoughts. She plucked a cherry off one of the branches and popped it into her mouth. The juice gushed from its core, as the slippery skin got stuck to the roof of her mouth. She was so entranced by the cherry's taste that she didn't see anyone walking down the path.

"Hello Kathryn."

Kathryn's eyes flung open as she looked down from the tree.

"Chakotay?"

Chakotay couldn't help but chuckle as he watched his former captain sat at the top of a cherry tree. "What on earth are you doing way up their Kathryn?"

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "I'm flying a spaceship, what do you think I am doing? I'm picking cherries!"

"Well could you come down here for a second I want to talk with you."

"Well I would but, I really don't want to so I won't. You, however can leave whenever you wish. My sister is around here somewhere why don't you go bother her for a while."

"Kathryn I really need to speak with you it's important."

Kathryn spotted a cherry that she had missed and propelled herself to the other side of the tree. "So why don't you come up here and maybe we can talk."

"Kathryn, I'm frightened of heights, there is no way that I am going up there!"

"Well then stay down there!"

"Look Kathryn all I want to do is talk, that's all."

Kathryn growled. "Well then why don't bloody speak!"

"Excuse me Kathryn?"

Kathryn made her way to some of the lower branches just above his head. "I really don't know why you are here Chakotay. And frankly I don't give a damn. As far as I am concerned you and I are not friends, and we don't even know each other."

Chakotay clenched his fists. He pointed at her. "I should have known better than to come and talk to angry, self centered, stubborn women like you!"

He turned and began to walk away. He was rewarded with a heaping pelt of cherries to his back.

"That's right Chakotay, run away coward, just like you did at the wedding!"

He turned and headed straight for the tree next to the tree that she was in. He grabbed a few of the bottom cherries and through them at her. "What are you talking about? Sometimes I think you are so self centered that you just make things up to make me angry!" He grabbed another glob of cherries meshed them in his hand and threw them at her.

Kathryn armed herself again. "I'm talking about you walking out on Seven at her wedding!"

He jumped as she threw some more cherries in his direction. "I never walked out on her!"

Kathryn screamed. "I was there Chakotay at your wedding; I heard what happened that you walked out on her, that you didn't want to marry her.!"

His voice changed at the very moment. And he began to laugh. He laughed so hard that he nearly fell over. "Is that what you think happened? Good God Kathryn is that what you think happened!"

Kathryn released some of her ammo to the ground. "Well, I was till you started laughing like that, now I don't know."

Chakotay had to catch his breath. "Kathryn, I walked in on her kissing another man just before I was going to marry her. That's why I left."

Kathryn's hold on the branch slipped. She fell, but he was close enough that he caught her. He put her down gently, and she frowned. And for the first time in years Kathryn Janeway was silent.

TBC


	9. Conclusion

I Never really Had Him

Conclusion

The two of them walked silently toward the house. When the house was in view, Kathryn cleared her throat and looked at Chakotay. She sighed and then she began to speak.

"Chakotay, thank you for telling me about you and Seven. I'm sorry that I heard wrong, and I'm sorry that I didn't wait.

"Wait for what Kathryn?"

"After you told me about your plans to marry Seven, I was heartbroken. But after you left the ceremony I figured that you had changed your mind and I, well I figured you were a different man, that you had changed your mind about getting marred. And then you disappeared.

"Kathryn, what are you saying? We have always been upfront with one another; please just tell me what you are saying."

Kathryn took a deep breath.

"I married someone else Chakotay."

Every muscle in Chakotay's body went limp. Every bone in his body snapped. His heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

"I'm sorry Chakotay. I guess what we had; we never really had at all."

Chakotay took her hand and kissed it. "Kathryn your husband is a lucky man. I only wish that I had seen how blessed I was to have you." I hope that he treats you with the up most respect and kindness that I have failed to give to you. And I hope that you have untold years of happiness together."

"Thank you Chakotay. Your blessing means a lot to me."

Chakotay shook his head and began to wander down the road. The tears were just beginning to sting his eyes as he got on the transporter.

He quietly whispered to himself as he was being transported away.

"I never really had her" was all the attendant heard as Chakotay beamed off.

The End

* Sometimes in existence we have to make hard choices. The heart deceives us thinking we are doing the right thing. Years later we regret those choices.

Those choices are called life.


End file.
